All Adventurous Women Do

There is a sense of satisfaction that comes after releasing oneself from the limitations of being in a relationship. Everybody should know this, and I definitely went through it the past year. It definitely won’t look it right after separating from someone but I’m positive that breaking up with someone leads to far greater things in life, not just nights of multiple breakdowns. It’s been a year since things turned sour in, as the French would call it, my la vie sentimentale. And quite honestly, it’s been the most adventurous time in my life yet.

The past year, I traveled twice. I went to Toronto last summer to visit a friend and boy was it memorable. It was a trip for rediscovering myself. It was liberating to finally be selfish again after two years of being such a considerate girlfriend. I went to places I wanted to see, spots I wanted to visit. There was no need to consider another person’s feelings because I was, my own identity. I also went on a road trip with another friend early this year down to Raleigh, Myrtle Beach and Tampa. Best time ever. Never have I felt so young and free, I won’t even go down on the details.

I also went on a string of dates with a bunch of guys. It can be a little tiring sometimes but dates are always memorable and fun. It’s fun to meet a guy, discover things about him and sometimes experience new hobbies I would never have done by myself. These guys had different personalities and it was interesting hearing about different perspectives in life at the same time realizing we’re all the same at the end of the day. If not for these guys, I probably would not be as interested as I am now with music, traveling, comedy, cooking and my career path.

My career path. I don’t even know how to start with it. I have an idea where I want to be in general but I’m clueless how to get there. It’s a really tough business world and the tough economy is not helping either. But being single definitely made me focus more on just my own priorities, my individual goals and what I really want to do.

What I really want to do. I can do ANYTHING. Really. It was absolutely destined for me to be single at this point in my life because I genuinely feel like I am myself better when I’m not attached to anyone. I’ve been free as a bird. I finally have time for everything else: my books, my films, my music and my friends. When I was in a relationship, I was locked up in this tiny bubble of glitter and mush. I only wanted to nourish the relationship itself and didn’t think much about my individuality. I would rather hear his voice than read or cuddle in bed than do productive things. I was immensely distracted and thought mostly about keeping the relationship going. It’s not a bad thing really, but in hindsight, I should’ve given myself more time alone.

I miss the warmth and the security of being in a relationship no doubt. But it’s been interesting for me the past year to just rediscover and rebuild myself. Such cliche I know but I genuinely believe I am a better person now. I’ve just been nostalgic lately because it’s been a year and I just happen to remember things.

If you are just going through a tough break up yourself, you should know that it’ll be okay. Cry all you want right now. I did. But know that it will definitely be alright and it’ll be better. Way better.

*As you may already know, the title of this post is an ode to Girls. I love the show to death.

The X Factor

It’s always a sad story when a relationship ends. Time, effort and feelings were invested so deeply only to be put into waste in the end. But what’s annoying is when time has healed all wounds already, but the inevitable comparison of the potential new guy and the ex ensues. It happens to everyone, and it is really annoying in that we always want the potential new guy to be perfect. But sometimes, or maybe most likely, he isn’t. And then come even more comparisons with this guy and that guy and the many other exes of the past. I call this “the X factor”.

It’s like a nightmare, or a credit card bill: it’s haunting. The flashbacks of old memories whenever a new memory presents itself can be very obnoxious. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the ex is better, but the comparison itself is irksome at best. The ex is like a virus, a bug that is unwanted. No one wants to remember a virus, it’s sickening. I can only think of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind‘s premise to be the only solution to this problem. Can I get Dr. Mierzwiak’s number please?

Ah, I hate this part. But I like you.

Lazy Daisy days are coming.

It was two weeks ago when my supervisor gave me my two weeks notice at the job. I saw it coming but at the same time, I was upset when it came. That it had to happen too soon. How can I pay for my bar tab on weekends now. I definitely don’t want to sit on the couch again for hours and I am absolutely not thrilled to do the whole job hunt again. It can be very draining and I remember being miserable most of the time. But at the same time, I got excited because I know I can finally start looking for something better. And also, I get all the free time in the world. Hello, time is gold therefore, I am filthy rich.

Until I find another job, I’ll just sit here and watch a marathon of Girls. Maybe I’ll be inspired to be more “adventurous”. Or I can finally have the time for my books that have been sitting around my room waiting to be read. I can update my iTunes maybe with illegal downloads from the internet. (Wait, where do people get their music from nowadays?) I also heard Breaking Bad is good. Two days maybe to catch up on that? And oh my god, I should cook. There are two cookbooks in the living room waiting to be touched. I’ll be twenty-three in two months I should start playing around the kitchen. I should go to gym classes too maybe. Yoga, Zumba, Spin classes. Jeez, I’d be goddamn fit by the end of the summer.

Or maybe I should just start a blog. Call it “neon weekend” for whatever reason. It’ll keep me sane at least for the time being. Who knows, this might get me a job. Just maybe. (wishful thinking)